


bulletproof to loneliness (at best)

by differentsnowflake



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, Hurt Bucky Barnes, I Tried, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Protective Steve Rogers, Shrunkyclunks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: In which Hydra finds out Steve is in love, even before Steve does. And all hell breaks loose.Or, Steve Rogers meets Bucky Barnes, a young man working for Stark Industries. They become friends, then something more, but both are too stubborn to admit it, until Hydra captures Bucky, because they think he's Captain America's boyfriend.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 12
Kudos: 383
Collections: Stucky Secret Santa 2019





	bulletproof to loneliness (at best)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starshot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starshot/gifts).



> Written for Starshot, who asked for shrunkyclunks, fluff, pining, and angst with a happy ending.  
> I tried my best, I swear.  
> There are probably going to be a lot of grammatical mistakes. I'm really sorry about that, english is not my first language. But I sure tried my best.
> 
> Title from "I'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off", by Fall Out Boy. (I may have changed it a little bit)

Steve admires Bucky, in a way he's never admired anyone before. It's not like he doesn't know people worth admiring. Bucky is just so- _different._

He lives with a bunch of superheroes, he fights evil everyday and yada yada. He knows how much courage matters, how much resilience matters, how much bravery matters. And he sees it every day, he's been seeing it since 1942.

And Bucky is all that and even more, just in- _different_ ways. Tony Stark is courageous, always throwing jokes at his enemies, standing up for what he believes in, fighting even when fighting seems impossible. Natasha Romanoff is resilient, always being honest, powerful, true to herself. Overcoming years of torture so she can help the world to be better. Thor is brave, fighting with his hammer, rejecting the throne of a world he still can't believe is real because he's in love with humanity. The rest of his team mates (Clint, Bruce, Wanda, Sam, Scott, Peter) are coureageous, resilient and brave too. Bucky just shows it in _different_ ways.

He's the one that dropped out of college so he could send his sister to it someday. He's the one who gets up at 5:00 every morning so he can get his sisters ready for school. He's the one that always offers a smile when Steve passes by his side, even when it seems he's about to fall over. He's the only one who can stand the insufferable hours that come with working in the emergency tech department in Stark Industries.

Steve meets him out of coincidence, even when they shouldn't have. It's not like Steve lives in the Stark Tower anymore, and he barely goes there. But they'd had been fearing someone had hacked Tony's technology, and Steve had been the only one nearby the tech department. Of course it had been lunch break, and the only one there had been Bucky Barnes, the new intern, too busy writing in the keyboard so fast Steve had wondered how his fingers managed not to catch on fire.

"Hey," he had greeted, entering the room with the semblance he knows it's enough to make everyone listen to him. "Are you the one in charge of the tech department?"

Bucky had raised his head fastly, looking scared. He was wearing a big hoodie and a baseball cap, with a couple of strands of hair covering his eyes.

"Um. No. No, sir. Captain America, sir." His voice had quivered and he had visibly swallowed, seeming sheepish.

"Where's the person in charge?"

"They're- at lunch, sir. Everybody. They'll be back in half an hour. I can deliver a message, if you-"

"It's urgent." Bucky had flinched at that. He knows he can be scary, and that his voice probably had come off as way too autoritary, but he'd been in a hurry, and he needed to know if Tony was going to fall from the sky because of hacked suits in that precise moment.

"Okay. I can- I can help you, sir. I- what do you need, your majesty? I mean, captain. Oh, god." Bucky's cheeks had turned so pink Steve thought he was about to explode. He had supressed a smile, and made an effort to look professional. Just- had he just called him majesty?

So, while Bucky checked the browser and made sure no one had actually managed to hack the probably safest software in the world, Steve just- stared at him. He's not sure why. It's not like he couldn't stare, it was just- _different_. Everything is _'different_ ' with Bucky. It had been something about his eyes, the way they shined against the subtle light of his screen. He was pretty, and Steve just had to recognise that. His nose scrunched while concentrating, and his long fingers moved with eagerness. He was pretty, really pretty.

"So," Steve had sitten by his side, trying not to feel uncomfortable. Little letters and numbers flew from the screen and Steve felt a little dumb, being unable to understand any of it. "Do you always stay here at lunch time?" Bucky had shrugged.

"I'm the new one, sir."

"And you don't get a lunch?"

"No, not usually."

"Wha'ts your name, kid?"

"Bucky, sir."

And that had been all. Normally, Steve would have just walked out and forgotten about the tech department worker. But he just couldn't. Later that day, he had just- felt he needed to see Bucky again. As if there was something creeping inside him, longing for talking to him, craving the little shine in his eyes. It was weird, because Steve had never felt that way before, not since Peggy. So he had managed to find an excuse to pass by the Stark Tower the next morning.

He has to admit he had felt like a creep, a little. Standing there, staring at the back of Bucky's head from the cafeteria, stirring a cup of coffe in his hands. And Bucky had realized it, even if Steve was a trained super soldier, fucking Captain America, and he should be able to spy on someone without them noticing. But, alas.

"Mr. America, sir, are you... spying on me?" Steve had been so surprised he had crushed the cup of coffe in his hand, the hot liquid splashing angrily against his skin.

"I- I don't- what?" He knew, for a fact, that his cheeks had turned a bright red. He felt his heart thumping heavily against his chest, trying to compe up with a lie. And jesus, he should be able to be better than this, while spying on someone, (even if he's not spying. He's just- curious.)

"Um. Do you- do you need something, Captain Rogers?"

"I just- woah. I'm sorry. I just realized I was being creepy."

"Is there something wrong, Captain?" And Steve had decided to let go in that moment. Just- he had decided to try and make a friend. Bucky had something that pulled him towards him, and something inside him was pushing to hear his instincts, finally be a person. Just a person.

"Do you want some coffee?"

It's been seven months since that morning, and Bucky has become a constant in his life, a source of support he'd never thought he'd manage to have in this century, that still feels so new and scary and full of nothingness.

It had been weird at the beginning: Captain America trying to best friend a busy, kind, and funny 24-year-old. But Bucky was just so special. _Different._ He knows Bucky, he knows everything there is to know about Bucky. And Bucky knows everything there is to know about him. Bucky knows so much it's scary sometimes, knowing that there's a person that has visited every corner of his mind, that could walk through his brain blindfolded.

He's never had this, not even when he wasn't a war hero, not even when he still felt like a real person. The thing is, Bucky makes him feel like a real person. Again. He's not Captain America, he's just Steve.

And it had been difficult at the beginning, shaking out of the seriousness and the quiet, fearful respect that comes with him. But now that they've overcomed that part -almost- he's just Steve, and Bucky it's just Bucky, and everything is perfect.

It's not like he's in love with him. He's not. Bucky is just- he wants to call him his best friend, but he's not a thirteen year old tween girl. Bucky is just Bucky.

Natasha has told him that he does look like a thirteen year old girl in love, but their relationship is _different_. They- Steve likes to think they've gone further, they're just two humans beings connected, supporting each other when they need supporting.

"Yeah, that's what being in love is, Steve." She had stated.

"Shut up."

Bucky is still sheepish around the rest of the team. They're the Avengers, after all. Bucky's naturally shy, and kind of awkward, and he's really busy. (He has two jobs, three little sisters to take care of and a house to mantain all on his own, so he rarely has free time.) They usually hang out at Bucky's apartament. It's rather small, just a few blocks down from the Stark Tower.

There are always toys scattered around the floor, clothes on the furniture. The apartment also always smells like coffee and crayons, for some reason.

Steve loves Bucky's sisters. Becca is seventeen and a senior in high school, with the same eyes as Bucky and the same hair, black and wavy. She's sarcastic and kind of mean, but she's really cool. Betty and Bianca, the twin girls, are seven, and he has to admit he dreams of taking them with him, getting to see them everyday. They had been shocked when Captain America had showed up at his apartment, smiling uncomfortably, wearing a t-shirt and some old, worn jeans. Bucky had just smiled at them, rubbing the back of his neck.

"This is Steve, girls." He had offered him a little smile, looking apologetic. Steve had returned the gesture, staring at the awed faces of the little seven-year-olds.

"That's Captain America, Buck." Bianca had backed off a couple of small steps. Steve could see fright in her eyes, shining through the steel blue of her irises.

"Don't worry, pumpkin. Right now he's just Steve."

Steve feels helpless everytime he thinks about Bucky's parents. They both had died when Bucky was nineteen, in a car accident, and his heart shrinks every time Bucky mentions them. He swears he can feel the pain he went through, the loneliness and the sudden responsability of having to take care of his three sisters. He feels sorry for him, so so sorry. It's not like he'd mention it, though.

That's why he admires Bucky so much. He had dropped out of college, (freaking systems engineering at NYU) so he could dedicate his whole life to his sisters. Steve had, after a lot of uncomfortable doubt, dared to ask what would have happened to his sisters if he hadn't become their legal guardian.

"They'd gone into the system," Bucky had answered with a simple shrug, as if his behaviour was obvious. "Betty and Bianca would've been separated, and it would have been impossible for Becca to get a home. I had to, Steve. They're my family. That's what family does."

"You're brave. Really brave." Bucky had shaken his head, scrunching his nose in obvious disagreement.

"You don't get to tell me _I'm_ brave, Steve. You're like, the embodiment of bravery."

"So? I don't know if I'm all that, but what you do- I admire you so much, Buck. So much."

Their friendship consists of late coffee dates, new items from the Starbucks menu each time. It's late conversations at night, when he prays FRIDAY won't be able to record every word he's saying. It's trips to Central Park with the twins, it's long stares when the words have seemed to ran out. It's comfort and knowledge and adventure, wrapped up in a beautiful crystal box, that feels so new and fragile in his hands Steve feels like he's always about to shatter it. It's hysterical laughs, sounds he'd forgotten his body could produce. It's pain in his gut when he's left breathless, when even the way Bucky moves seems like the funniest thing in the world. It's waiting for him outiside of his work while Steve silently patrols, his body unconsciously always looking out for danger. It's hot dogs and pretzels and cheap pizza, it's carnivals and stuffed animals for a couple of kids. It's ballet recitals and awed looks from little girls that can't believe Betty and Bianca Barnes actually know Captain America.

Bucky is a constant in his life, a beacon and a rock and an anchor and everything the human being has ever used to describe someone who grounds you.

It's weird, feeling like he belongs in a place different from the group of people that only seem to share his fight with him. He doesn't need to be a soldier with the Barnes, only a person. And it's so relaxing, so calming, that it has become his new coping mechanism, just spending time with them.

That's why his heart plummets to its death when Bucky doesn't answer the phone.

He's just gotten back from a mission with the team -a horrible one, truth be told. It had all been a distraction, they'd knew they were coming. Hydra is dangerous, and Steve doesn't even want to think about the things they'd been planning- and he's sprawled on his bed, feeling his muscles slowly letting go of the tension. The phone rings once, twice, three times. No one picks up.

He knows Bucky always picks up the phone. Steve's never seen him without the thing in his hands, has never seen him ignore a call. He really likes technology and all that stuff, so he understands how important it is for him to be connected. He tries again. And again, _and again, and again, and again_. He gives up an hour later.

He feels nervous and somehow knows Bucky's not going to pick up, even if his phone suddenly explodes with a weird, fatal mixture of desperation and eagerness that comes from Steve's calls.

The next morning, he's the one with the missed calls. Rebecca Barnes has called him nineteen times, and he suddenly remembers how it is to be parlayzed with fear. The way his blood seem to turn heavier. His breath hitches, and the blood burns against his veins like boiling water. The phone screen lights up on its own, and Steve is moving his finger so fast the touchscreen of his phone doesn't want to recognize it.

"Becca?" He mutters, standing up. The room feels suddenly cold.

"Steve?" The tears on Becca's voice are audible. He punches a wall. Something's wrong.

"Yeah, it's me. What- what happened?"

"Bucky's missing, Steve." She sounds so desperate, so broken. Her feelings seem to have materialized, and the helplessness is beside him, punching him straight in the face.

"What do you mean missing, Becca?" His voice comes off surprisingly calm.

"He never came back from work. He's always home at ten p.m, tops. But he's- he's not here, and I'm scared. He won't answer my calls."

"Alright. Are you and the twins alright?" He knows this isn't a coincidence. He feels it, deep down. Something bigger is going on, it has to do with the failed mission, and if someone has even touched a single hair on Bucky's head- they're going to pay.

"We're fine. We're staying home from school. We need to find him, Steve."

"I will, Becca. I promise you I will."

After asking a really scared-looking receptionist, he knows Bucky did leave the Stark Tower at the same time as always. He never made it home, and that's what he's worried about the most. He's convinced Becca to stay at their apartment, in case Bucky shows up. He walks the whole way to Bucky's building, silently hoping to find him wandering in the streets, as if nothing had ever happened. Then he gets a call from Sam, and everything seems to fall slowly into place.

"There's a message for you, here at the compound, some kind of video on the system. FRIDAY won't even let Tony open it without you here. It's supposed to be life or death, man."

He makes it to the compound so fast he's almost proud of himself. Tony, Sam, Bruce and Natasha are in the common room, pacing and looking nervous. They greet him with tight smiles and good intentions. They know about his friendship with Bucky, and by now, they must know he's missing. The connection it's so obvious it's painful.

"I don't know how this happened, Cap. Someone hacked into my system and now I can't hack it back. I feel insulted." Steve just stares at him. Tony seems to notice his frustration, because he lets out a long sigh and nods. "Alright, FRIDAY, please, show us your creepy video-message-whatever."

The Hydra logo it's the first thing to pop-up in the screen. The skull seems to be making fun of him. Then everything goes dark, and some slurred words come slowly to life. Steve inmediately recognises the voice.

"Holy shit."

Sam puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes a little. Steve can feel his fingernails carving themselves into the palm of his hands.

"Is that-?" Natasha doesn't need to finish the phrase. Steve nods slightly, and curses some more. It's not fair.

He knows having friends it's dangerous, specially when there are people trying to get to him through the people he cares about. What makes him sick it's that he doesn't know how the hell they know Bucky. How they know how much he means to him.

"I'm not reading that shit," the voice- Bucky says. He sounds hoarse and tired. They still can't see anything. "I'm not- holy shit, alright, I'll read it. Fuck."

"You seem to think this is a joke, Mr. Barnes. It is no joke, I assure you." The other voice has a thick russian accent, and Steve feels so ready to strangle him, to tear him to pieces- It's just not fair. They don't get to hurt Bucky. _No one_ gets to hurt Bucky.

"Alright, alright. You're a little dramatic for a nazi, don't you think?" And then there's a scream, cold blooded and terrifying and desperate. Steve wishes he could have not recognized Bucky's voice, just that time. Someone seems to turn on the lights. The room is big, empty. The lights cast scary shadows, and there's only a chair.

Bucky's sitting on it, held down by thick ropes. There's blood on his forehead and on his nose. His hair is disheveled and his clothes are torn.

"FRIDAY," Tony says. "Visual recognition. Now."

"On it, sir."

Steve is unconscously waking towards the screen. He has to gather power of will to not raise his hand, as if he'd be able to reach Bucky.

"Read the paper, Mr. Barnes. Now."

"This is a message to Steve Rogers from Hydra."

Bucky's voice is rough, Steve can almost feel the pain in his words.

"I am being punished for your crimes. You will never find me, and if you even try to, they will kill me. They'll also kill me if Captain America is ever seen in action again. From now on, you're a ghost. You don't exist. If you cause any trouble, I'll die. It's your choice. Eat my ass, Hydra." Then an Hydra agent starts hitting Bucky, mumbling something about respect. Steve admires Bucky's bravery, but right now he wants to punch him. He's going to have a serious conversation about self-preservation with him once he gets him back. Because of course he's getting Bucky back. There's no way this story ends differently.

"Smart kid," Bruce says, typing something furiously in a computer.

"Yeah, he's brilliant." Tony is also clicking eagerly in the air, moving his holograms and all that stuff that he'll never be able to understand. "He's getting us time."

Steve has so many reasons to differ. For once, now he's seeing Bucky get brutally punched. The back of the other man is all he can see, but he can hear Bucky's grunts as the attacker's fists land violently on Bucky's face.

"Where are they, Tony?" Steve urges.

"FRIDAY is checking out every place possible, Steve. I'm checking manually. If the place has access to a camera, we'll find it."

"And what if it hasn't?" Sam's the one to voice his concerns. Tony rolls his eyes a little.

"It's 2019, dude. There are cameras everywhere."

The video continues for a long while. Then something occurs to him.

"Is this live?" He asks, trying to swallow the knot that's formed in his throat.

"No. It's a recording." Natasha puts a hand on his shoulder. Her eyes are kind and almost, _almost_ calming.

"So that means they could already be somewhere else."

"We don't know that for sure, Cap." Bruce stops typing just a second and shoots him a sorry look. "A lead is still a lead. Even if they're not in there anymore, we'll be able to track them down. You just have to be-"

Next thing he knows, he's punching the common room wall. His fist breaks easilly through the brick, and the silence that follows his outburst is only broken by more grunts and the sound of flesh hitting flesh, coming from the high-tech speakers. Steve wants to throw the speakers at the wall, but he's too busy trying to catch his breath.

"Woah, Steve. C'mon, you need to calm down. You're no good like this, man." Sam's voice is smooth, but Steve can sense the fear beneath its usual layers of professionalism.

Steve's breathing is still heavy, and his fist is still buried in the debris. He seems to be unable to move.

"How do they- how do they know? Bucky. How do they know Bucky?" The video has stopped. The screen is black once again, and Steve fears, for a moment, that that was it. That was the last image he would ever see of Bucky, and it makes him sick. No one answers.

"Got it!" Bruce yells suddenly, shifting his glasses.

"You know where they are?" Natasha asks. Bruce nods.

"Not that far, just outside of Brooklyn, in an old factory." Steve swallows, and forces himself to think. He can't lose it now. If he does, he'll be no good to Bucky. And Bucky needs him. He's never needed to be Captain America so bad in all his life.

"What are we waiting for, then?"

The place smells like blood. That coppery, sour smell fills his sinuses. It's almost dizzying. He's beside Natasha and Sam, walking silently through the empty highways. There are thermostatic readings, that mean someone's inside, just a little down the corridor. Bruce is directing them from a van that's parked a couple of blocks away, speaking softly through the headphone stuck in his ear. Tony is patrolling outisde, waiting for his call into action. It all feels way too easy.

Maybe because it is.

An alarm suddenly goes off, and the whole place goes dark.

"Shit," he hears Sam mutter. His enhanced hearing is the only thing that saves them, because he's able to hear a gun being charged just in time.

"Down!" He yells, raising his shield. He hears Tony's engines roar suddenly in the room. He hears gunshots, and then there's light again. There are five soldiers, covered head to toe in black, firing bullets at them. They all seem lost, hazy. They're wearing masks.

"Steve!" Natasha loads her gun and points at them with her head. He nods slightly and attacks.

Defeating them it's not that hard. They're really good with the guns, but their hand to hand combat seems kind of sloppy. They almost seem drugged, sluggish and slow. Then it hits him hard- it's a distraction.

"It's a distraction!" He doesn't even look back before sprinting down the hall, running so fast he feels like his legs are about to fall off. He kicks the door down, and swears under his breath when he realizes that's where the smell of blood comes from.

"Bucky!" He calls, not caring about being subtle. Every Hydra agent nearby must already know they're there. He's just going to make sure their knowdlege is worthy. "Bucky!"

The room is empty, though. He swallows the frustration down and starts inspecting. There's dry blood on the floor, big spots that seem to form some kind of creepy, disturbing map. There are also a couple of leather chairs, with straps and needles and cables and he realizes that if the soldiers seemed drugged it is probably because they _were_ drugged.

They were acting involuntary under Hydra's orders.

In the corner of the room, he sees a camera and a single chair, the place where they recorded the message. There's no one left, but the chair is warm. It means they just left. He curses and kicks the chair, that hits the wall with a deafening voice. He stops suddenly, because walls aren't supposed to make that kind of noise.

He kicks it, and he realizes, with a shuddering breath, that it's hollow. It's hollow, which means that's the way the people who have Bucky left.

"Cap," Tony is suddenly by his side, staring at the wall. "What did you find out?"

"They just left." He answers. He passes his fingers through the wall, searching for an interruptor or something that'll open the secret exit. He must seem desperate, because Tony puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Steve. C'mon, calm down. You think this is the way they left?" Steve forces himself to breathe and nods.

"Yeah. Wall's hollow." Tony nods, looking thoughtful.

"You know I can just put a laser through it, right?" Steve stares at him. Then blinks.

"Well, fucking do it." Tony rolls his eyes a little and raises his iron-clad hands.

"I'm being indulgent 'cause they've got your boyfriend. I'd be insufferable too if someone'd have captured Pepper."

"Not my boyfriend." His answer is just a whisper. For once, he doesn't really cares if Tony hears him or not. He's got more important stuff to worry about. Sam and Nat burst into the room, panting a little.

"We got the rest," Natasha lowers her gun when she makes sure they're in no inmediate danger. "Did you find him?"

"We're about to." Tony says. The wall's down, and the only thing he can see it's a dark hallway, humid and dusty. The floor is a little muddy, covered in dirt, and Steve can see footprints. Recent ones.

"C'mon." He mutters. His enhanced hearing can't make out any noise, though. The hallway is small, narrow. Tony's the one casting light with his suit, walking heavily in the back. They jog in silence. Then he's able to hear it- just voices with no meaning, hushed mumbles in russian. (Or at least he thinks it's russian.) He glances at Nat, who nods a little- she's hearing it too. He raises a hand, and they suddenly stop. He needs to know if this is just their hiding spot or if they have a way out. He can't risk them leaving and doing something to Bucky.

The mumbling continues for a while. It doesn't start sounding further, so he assumes they're not moving. He does another gesture with his hand and they're advancing again.

The hallway suddenly opens in a small room with no exit. That's good. The rest of the image is not that good. There are two men covered in military gear, holding guns that seem unnecessarily big. They're standing in the corner of the room. Their eyes are big and shiny, they almost look scared. But determined too. One of them it's pointing at them, the other one it's pointing at Bucky's head.

Bucky's barely able to stand. There's blood coming out of his nose. He's slumped, his whole weight supported by his kidnapper. His eyes are closed. Steve's heart shatters.

"You're going to pay for this." It's not a warning, it's a statement. He's never felt this angry, this- _outraged._

Tony, Sam and Nat are standing beside him, ready to attack, just waiting for the smallest of signs so they can unleash the fury he's not enough to materialize.

"We warned you, Captain. You come here and your little lover dies. It was no joke." The guy presses the gun to Bucky's head. Bucky doesn't move.

"Let him go, and we'll be indulgent." Tony raises a hand and points at the Hydra agent. He looks scary. The agents look satisfied, though. As if they'd been expecting all of that.

They share a knowingly look and Steve knows this is just part of something bigger, something worse.

"We knew you'd come get your boyfriend, Captain. We already got everything we needed out of him. There you go." And suddenly he's pushing Bucky to the floor. He falls, unconscious. Then there's a gunshot.

Steve's only able to hear it, though. He's too busy throwing himself to the floor, covering Bucky with his body. He feels pain explode in the back of his leg, sharp and dull at the same time. Then he hears more gunshots, but he's too busy trying to shake Bucky awake. When Bucky doesn't move, he lays two fingers against his neck, praying to find a pulse. He finds it, but it's faint and irregular, and his gut twists with worry and hate. Also with pain, but that's definitely less important right now. Bucky's skin is scarily cold. He need to get him out of there, in that moment.

Tony, Sam and Natasha have managed to pin down the Hydra Agents. They're sprawled on the floor, hands raised. Natasha's foot is on one of the agent's chest. She looks scary.

"Why?" She asks, spitting some hair out of her mouth. "Why capture Bucky Barnes?"

"Oh, he knew Steve Rogers would do anything to get the man he's in love with back." Steve needs to bite his tongue to stop himself from correcting him. For the first time ever, he's started to understand. Maybe he is. Maybe he _is_ in love with Bucky, and even Hydra has realized it before him. It'd be embarrasing, if he didn't feel like punching the life out of every single one of them. "He knew he'd bring all of his friends to the rescue mission. We just had to set a trap, and we would have them in our hands. And all because Steve Rogers has fallen helplessly in love. We've been following you for weeks, Captain. Someone like you should have been able to realize it. But love makes the rest of the world fade away, doesn't it?"

Steve can't help himself and kicks the man in the ribs. He's had enough.

"I don't know if you haven't realized it," Natasha says, loading her gun. "But you're the ones that are on the floor, spilling everything they know. We've won."

"You think that, Natalia?" One of the agents draws a disturbing smile. Steve realizes then that he's managed to free one of his hands. He mutters something in russian, and Steve's not fast enough to stop him from pressing the button. There's a loud noise coming from the hallway, and the ceiling starts trembling. They all see what's happening way too late, because when they move, the little entrance to the room has already been sealed by tons of dirt and debris. He curses.

"We seem to have won." The agent smiles again, and Steve has to grab Bucky's hand so he can ground himself, remember he's the one that matters the most, not punching the son of a bitch. The agent laughs, and the other one follows.

"He'll be so happy." He says between laughs. "Everything's gone according to his plan!"

"Whose plan?" Tony asks. He's by the now-buried-entrance, trying to find a way out. "Who's he?"

"The fuhrer, of course. Our new fuhrer." Then, both of the agents do something they should've expected.

There is a little movement behind their lips and they bite into the blue, little pills, made to shape their destiny.

"Hail Hydra," they gasp between the foam and the trembles. They're dead.

There's another loud noise, and the whole little room starts shaking. There's debris starting to fall from the ceiling.

"It was all a trap," Steve hears Sam mutter. "They wanted us to find them. Fuck."

Steve's too busy maneuvering Bucky's head into his lap. His lips have started to go blue, for some reason. He's shaking a little. The ceiling keeps falling and trembling, and he knows they'll all be buried soon. He needs to get them out of here.

"Bruce." He says into the earpiece. He raises his shield to protect Bucky from the biggest pieces of ceiling. Tony's got Natasha and Sam beneath one of his own shields. He knows they don't have a lot of time left. There's dust in the air. He suddenly needs to cough, and the way his body moves reminds him that he's also hurt. "Bruce." He repeats.

A huge piece of debris hits the shield. "We need you. C'mon, we need the big guy. This is a green code, do you copy? Green code."

Silence is the only thing he gets as an answer. There's barely any air left, and he's starting to think this will be actually their end, buried under traps and love realizations. It's so bad and so good at the same time. He's about to let go of the shield so he can protect Bucky with his body when a roar starts echoing in his ears. Then there's some gasps and concret shattering. Suddenly he can breathe again.

"Cap, you with me?" He opens his eyes, that were shut so tightly his face had started hurting. There's not a ceiling anymore, but the Hulk is standing there, still throwing some debris away from their way. The sun is high on the sky and the light hurts his eyes so much he needs to close them again for a second. Sam is staring at him. He's got his wings expanded once again, seeming eager to be able to fly.

"Bucky." That's the only word he can muster. Bucky's still unconscious on his lap. The blood coming out of a wound in his head is running freely through the rest of his face. It's sickening. Sam kneels down beside him and looks for a pulse. He must come to the same conclusion as Steve, because there is a scowl decorating his face.

"He needs a doctor," Steve mutters. He realizes then that he's cupping his cheek. There's blood on his fingertips, and he doesn't know if it's Bucky's or his own.

"Okay, we're not that far from the compound." That's Tony's voice, but he doesn't dare to take his eyes away from Bucky. "Unless you prefer to take him to a normal hospital."

Steve shakes his head. There's no way in hell he's leaving Bucky in the hands of someone he doesn't know. At least at the compound he'll know the doctors, he'll be able to be more than a mere expectator.

"Alright. I need you to let go, Steve," Tony continues. He sounds surprisingly kind. Honestly, Steve can't remember a time when Tony's spoken so softly to him. "I'll take him as fast as I can, but I need you to let go." Steve is trying to let go, he really is. But his body seems to have frozen in that position. Bucky's safe in there, in his lap. He can make sure he's still breathing, that his heart is still beating. If he lets go, he'll lose that knowledge, that comfort. He doesn't know if he'll bear to lose it.

"Cap. I know this is hard, but it's important. You need to let go." Sam's tone of voice is a little sharper. He knows how to deal with Steve, he knows what orders he'll respond to.

So he lets go. He raises from the floor, shaky on his hurt leg and raises Bucky in his hands. Then he hands him to Tony, as if Bucky were a child. Tony takes him in his arms and smiles a little, securing him between his hands. "That's it. I'll see you at the compound, okay?" Then he glances at Sam, and for once, Steve doesn't care that they're having a silent conversation about him in front of him. He just needs Bucky to be alright.

On their way home, while Nat calms Bruce down and Sam wraps his bleeding leg, he starts thinking. And _thinking and thinking and thinking._

It's embarrasing, but now he knows. He _knows_ what those feelings were, he finally has a name for the way he felt when he was around Bucky. He really had thought it was nothing more than friendship, but now the little piece of information falls slowly into place, and things are starting to make sense.

He honestly had thought he and Bucky were just friends. But there was nothing friendly in their relationship, just like there's no rain underwater. Friendship was there, maybe at some point, but now? They way his stomach churns and his heart shrinks feel different, even if they haven't changed.

"I'm in love with Bucky." He says out loud, even if it's just a whisper. Sam looks up from his leg, still holding the bandage. "I'm in love with him," he repeats, blinking slowly. Sam raises an eyebrow. "I didn't- I didn't know, even if Hydra did. But now I know. And, god, I don't know what to do."

"First, you get checked out." Sam says, standing up. "Then, you have an honest conversation, just like the adult you're supposed to be. It's not that hard, Steve."

He shakes his head a little. "You don't get it. I- I've never been good at this kind of thing. I just- I can't. What if- what if I misunderstood? And he doesn't love me back and then he feels uncomfortable and then he doesn't talk to me ever again?"

"Dude," Sam rolls his eyes a little and opens a bottle of water. He hands it to him and offers an honest smile. "You're Captain freaking America. He'd have to be blind or really really straight for not liking you back. Like, so straight it'd be physically impossible, you know?" Steve smiles a little. He cranks his neck and sighs.

He really shouldn't be worrying about that in this moment. Bucky could be dying, and he's there, suddenly the thirteen-year-old girl he'd feared he'd become, picking petals out a metaphorical flowers, trying to find courage between the fallen hopes.

When they get to the compound, Steve sprints off towards the medical area. He doesn't care about the gunshot wound in the back of his thigh, or the sudden exhaustion that usually comes after a mission. He just needs to see Bucky, make sure there will be someone to declare his feelings to. Once he gathers the necessary courage.

Tony's sitting outside the medical area, out of his suit. He's leaning his chin on his hands, tapping the floor nervously.

"Is he okay?" Steve bursts out, panting a little. Tony glances at him and nods.

"Yeah. They're checking him out, but he's alright. Are _you_ alright, cap? I know you got shot." Steve shakes his head.

"I'll take care of that later," he says. "I need to know how is he."

"Okay. I'll go see if a doctor can come talk to you. Sit down, before you fall over with love or something." He sits down and lets his breathing relax a little. Tony's right, he needs to be okay if he's going to be there for Bucky.

His hands are shaking a little, and he has to force himself to forget about his worries. And then he realizes he has to talk to Becca, tell her they've found her brother and that he's okay. Shit, how did he forget about that? He needs a phone, but he doesn't have one. He's tempted to run and go find his cellphone, but then Tony's coming through the double doors of the medical area, and there's a doctor by his side. Steve knows her, she's treated him a couple of times.

Dr. White is kind and she knows what she's doing. It helps to ease him a little.

"Captain Rogers," she greets with a small smile.

"Is Bucky alright?" Those three words have seem to turn into his mantra, the only thing he's able to think about.

"Yeah, he's okay. A little banged up, but nothing really serious." Steve lets out a sigh so big he's afraid he looks ridiculous. His heart seems to unclench, and he can finally breathe again.

"That's good. That's great. Can I- can I see him?"

"Of course, Captain. He's asleep right now and under some pain medication, but he should be waking up soon. Come with me."

Steve stares at Tony, who smiles back at him. He looks extremely kind, eager to help with anything.

"Tony," he says. "Can you please get me a phone? I need to talk to his sister." Tony grabs his phone from his pocket and gives it to him.

"Here."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, capsicle. Now go get your lover."

Bucky's laying on a hospital bed. Steve has to admit he doesn't look that bad, with the blood cleaned off and some new clothes. His temple is bruised and so is his cheek, but he can deal with a couple of bruises. He's alive, and everything else, he can deal with.

He sits down beside him and dials Becca's number. He can only imagine how she must be feeling, scared and lost and desperate for some answers. She picks up inmediately, sounding defeated.

"Hello?"

"Becca, it's Steve." He tries to lighten his voice, make it clear he's got good news.

"Steve! Oh my god, what happened? Did you- did you find Bucky?"

"I did, Becca. He's with me right now, he's okay." It feels so good to say it out loud. It's a way to reassure himself too. Bucky's okay, Bucky's okay, Bucky's okay-

"Oh, god. Can I talk to him? Please?"

"He's asleep right now, Becky. Don't worry. I'll take him home as soon as I can."

"You promise?"

"Of course I promise."

He stays there, staring at Bucky for what feels like forever. A doctor comes and checks Steve out, even if refuses to at first. Then Natasha appears at the door, glares at him and Steve knows he doesn't have another option. The wound in his leg has already started to heal, so the doctor has to reopen it to dig the bullet out. It doesn't hurt that much.

Natasha sits by his side, mostly silent and stirring a cup of coffe.

"Is everyone okay?" Steve asks after a while. It's difficult to look away from Bucky, but he manages to. Natasha nods.

"Yeah. We're investigating the whole 'new fuhrer' thing. It's kind of worrying. Hydra managed to spy on us for months, though. That's worrying too. Sam's got Redwing looking for any hidden cameras and Bruce is making sure everyone who works for us is trustworthy. We're going to figure out how they found out about it all, don't worry."

Steve swallows. "They know Bucky, they know where he lives and how to find him. He's in danger." Natasha shrugs.

"Yeah," her words are soft and understanding. Steve knows she's trying to calm him down. "I think they're going to have to move. Keep a low profile."

"It's all my fault." Steve knows he's probably being dramatic, but that's still the way he feels. If it weren't for him, none of this would have happened. Bucky's in danger just because he _means_ something to him, and it's frustrating. It's scary. He's forgotten how it is to feel so close to someone, how it is to know that feeling close to someone automatically means they're a target for a bunch of bad people.

"Steve, I know that's probably what it looks like to you and I'm not trying to convince you otherwise. But, let's be honest. What would you prefer, though? Not knowing him at all? Or dealing with this kind of thing?"

"That's not fair to him, Nat."

"But it's fair to you."

"Him," he admits, after a little while. "I'd rather have him, always. He's just so- so _different._ " Natasha smiles and rolls her eyes a little.

"Some things are just worth it, Steve."

She leaves a little later.

Steve thinks about it a little and decides that, if that's what Bucky wants too- a relationship, a partnership, whatever it is that he's craving- it'll be worth it. He just needs Bucky to wake up so he can hear him talk.

It's fifteen minutes later when Bucky starts stirring. He opens his eyes slowly, looking tired. His blue irises focus and unfocus for a while, and then he seems to realize where he is.

"Steve?" His voice is groggy and heavy with the pain medication. Steve can't help himself and takes his hand, trying to look reassuring.

"Yeah, Buck, it's me."

"What- what happened?" Steve swallows, trying to find a way to explain it all.

"Hydra got to you," he starts. Bucky raises in the bed a little, studying his sorroundings. He stops at their entwined hands, but doesn't say anything. He squeezes, just a little. Maybe that's part of Steve's imagination, though. "But it's okay, we escaped. We're at the Avengers compound now. You're alright." Bucky nods a little.

"Yeah, I remember. I was walking home and someone hit me in the back of the head. Then I woke up and I was tied to a chair. They wanted me to read a message for you. I said no, they hit me, then I did it. I cursed them. That's the last thing I remember."

"Yeah, of course you did that," Steve laughs a little and then sighs. "I'm so sorry, Bucky."

"Not your fault," Bucky says easily, offering him a tired smile. "Thanks, Steve. For rescuing me."

"Oh, c'mon. I- of course I'd rescue you." Bucky licks his lips, just like he does when he's nervous. Their fingers are still laced together.

"They," Bucky coughs a little and then continues. "They seemed to think that we were- you know, together. They thought I was your boyfriend." The words come out of his mouth before he's able to stop them.

"Well, do you want to be?" Bucky's eyes open a lot. The blue of his eyes looks surprisingly beautiful in contrast to his pale face.

"What?" He croaks.

"Shit. I- I didn't-" Steve's aware his cheeks have gone completely red. His face burns and he wishes he could turn back time. But he's said it, and he's not backing down. He nevers back down. "But _yeah._ I- listen, Buck. Maybe it's not the right time, but I- I realized something today. Maybe there's a reason Hydra thought we were dating, you know? I'm sorry if I'm confusing every little thing we've done, but maybe- I- shit, this isn't going that great." Steve's speaking so fastly Bucky can't interrupt him. He's scared Bucky'll start laughing or shut him up, and tell him he's fucked up their whole friendship. He needs to get this out, though. It's only fair, to the both of them. "Let me start over."

Steve shifts a little in his seat. Bucky hasn't let go of his hand, which is good. At least he thinks it is.

"I love you, Bucky. There, I said it. And, I- well, I'm really sorry this is what it took for me to realize." Bucky just stares at him, and Steve really starts to fear the negative part of his brain was right. Maybe he misunderstood, and he's just making a fool out of himself.

But then Bucky shakes his head a little. He's smiling, though. He seems amused.

"I thought-" he croaks. His voice is still raspy. "I thought you'd never ask."

And then Steve literally feels like his heart it's bursting. Emotion is overflowing his body, filling him with eagerness and relief and happiness and exciment and-

"Are you going kiss me or what?"

Steve lets out a chuckle, heavy with emotion. He leans on the bed and lets his lips linger over Bucky's, brushing carefully. The kiss isn't long. They're still scared and new to this and sheepish around this new part of themselves. But it still manages to feel like the best kiss in history, even if he's aware that's the way everyone who is in love feels. Steve just stares at Bucky after, trying to find something to say. But words no longer exist, not right now.

"So," Bucky's words are a little slurred, and Steve knows he should be resting, but he's so desperate to hear whatever he has to say. "Was Hydra right? Am I 'Captain America's sweetheart?'" Steve lets out a laugh.

"You're Steve Rogers' boyfriend, yeah. If that's what you want, I mean," he adds.

"Of course that's what I want, you idiot." Bucky smiles, so bright and big and perfect. _Different._ "The girls are going to go crazy, you know? I can't-" he stops suddenly, and he goes even paler. "Crap. The girls. Crap, _crap_. How could I- are they okay? Do they know I'm okay? Shit, I need to talk to them."

"I've already talked to Becca," Steve tells him. "She knows you're okay. Do you want to talk to her? I can call her." Bucky nods.

"Please."

Steve hands Bucky the phone and watches him dial Becca's number. Then he decides he should give hima little privacy and leaves the room, after squeezing Bucky's hand once more and smiling at him. It all feels like it has changed, like they've entered this new reality that seems too good to be true. Steve's a little scared he'll suddenly wake up and realize this whole thing hasn't happened. He'll still be looking for Bucky, figuring out a way to save him.

Outside the medical wing, he finds Sam. He's out of his uniform, and he's showered. He is sitting on the floor, scrolling through his phone.

"Oh, there you are," Sam smiles and stands up. "I had started to think you'd never leave that part of the building." Steve rolls his eyes. "Is Bucky okay?" Sam continues.

Steve can tell there's genuine concern in his eyes. Maybe he's started to grow fond of Bucky. It's almost endearing.

"Yeah, he's alright." Steve licks his lips and then decides he wants to shout their new relationship status to the top of his lungs. Sam's the one who is going to have to stand his happiness, though. "We... we kinda talked. We're- a couple now?" The last part of the phrase comes out as a question. The words tastes new in his tongue, and he's almost afraid to say them outloud now that he's got the chance. It's a little frustrating.

"Wait," Sam grins. Steve's heart starts to relax a little. "Did you actually accept your feelings like the adult you're supposed to be?" Steve punches him in the arm.

"Yeah," he admits. "Kinda."

"C'mon, Steve." Sam groans and hides his face between his hands. He's still grinning. "You could have waited a couple of days. Now I owe Natasha fifty bucks. God, I hate you."

Steve sighs and can't help but laugh. He's still tense and scared, but it's good, to feel like it's all in the past. It's not. He still has to solve a lot of things- Hydra is going to pay, there's no way he's going to let this pass. They've hurt someone he loves, and he's always, _always_ , going to protect the people he loves, whatever it takes. But it still feels refreshing to laugh, _to love_. It's new, a territory he's been in a couple of times but nowhere near enough. He's going to enjoy it, as much as he can.

"You guys made a bet?" Steve asks. Sam shrugs.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. It was depressing, the way you two were dancing around each other. We needed to do something fun."

"I can't believe- you know what? I'm not even going to ask. I've had enough." Sam chuckles, and then he seems to force himself to sober up. He glares at him, serious this time. "Dude, listen. I'm happy for you. Since I met you, you've had this... sad aura around you, you know? Like you were always down for some reason. I mean, of course you had a reason, but you know what I mean. But since you met Bucky... he makes you happier, he makes you, I don't know. _Glow._ Sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'm glad you found him, I really am. You needed him, I think. And he needed you. You deserve to be happy, Steve, don't you ever forget that."

"That's-" Steve's heart aches with tenderness. "That means a lot to me, Sam. Thank you." Sam envelopes him in a hug. He pats his back a little and then they separate.

"Alright, save your cheesiness for Barnes. Now go get your boy."

Bucky's left the phone on the bedside table. He seems more calmed, at ease. Steve doesn't know if it is because of the phone call or thanks to the painkillers. He hopes it's both.

"What did Becca say?" Bucky looks up at him. His eyes are a little glazed. Definitely painkillers, it seems.

"Oh, you know. The usual. That she's going to kill me once I get home, that I owe her some pizza." His smile is also kind of loopy, and Steve just wants to cover him in blankets and let him sleep. He wants to sleep himself, completely forget all of this happened.

"Well, I'd be scared," Steve sits on the bed beside him and takes his hand. "You know Becca, she's scary." Bucky chuckles.

"Yeah, you probably should come with me. To protect me. When can I go home, by the way?" Steve shrugs.

"Sorry, I don't know. Maybe in a couple of hours, when they make sure you're totally fine? You definitely need to sleep a little." Steve starts caressing Bucky's hair, moving his fingers through the soft locks of dark brown. His eyes are closing, and there are big bags under his eyes, assimilating the bruises on his face. He looks exhausted.

"They knew where to find me," Bucky mumbles under his breath. "Hydra. I need- to protect my sisters, make sure they won't find them." His words are so slurred they're barely understandable. Steve shushes him a little.

"We'll deal with it later, Buck, I promise. I'll make sure you're alright. All of you. You need to rest first." Bucky leans into his touch.

"Can you lie down with me?" He whispers. Steve wants to say no, he really should. But Bucky looks so vulnerable, and Steve really wants to hold him in his arms, make completely sure he's alright. To hug him, to let him know he'll never let this happen again. _Ever._

So he nods, because he's never really been able to say no to Bucky.

The bed is small for the two of them, even if Bucky is really lean and not-that-tall. They manage to make it work, though. Bucky seems to fit perfectly into his arms. He's a solid weight against him, and it's so reassuring, so calming. Steve begins to feel tired, and a couple of minutes later he realizes he's been dozing off. Some minutes later, he opens his eyes and finds Bucky staring at him with attention.

"What?" He asks between a yawn, hugging Bucky even tighter. Bucky mumbles an answer, short and slurred. He hides his face in Steve's neck, and his breathing tickles him a little. "What was that, Buck?"

Bucky sighs and grabs his hand one more time. He looks up at him, just a little, still hidden in the crook of Steve's neck. He smiles, small but bright and oh-so-perfect.

_Different._

His answer is another mumbled whisper, but Steve manages to understand all of it.

"Can't believe I'm boyfriends with Captain America." Steve laughs out loud.


End file.
